The anniversary of my father’s death is fast approaching, and I am burying it deep inside. I am still so saddened by it all, and I should probably see a grief counselor, but I’m not going to. I know I should take care of myself, but I don’t always know how to do it.
I miss him. How tiny his eyes would get when he would smile. His mustache. How his lips would purse when he was really thoughtful about something. I miss the sound of his voice- even his yelling. There are so many tiny details that I wish I could remember, and I can look at him in pictures, but some things are fuzzy. I can’t remember his exact height. I can’t remember if he had two moles on his stomach above his belly button so that his torso looked surprised 😮 … or if I just made that up.
I’m not sure exactly what I meant to write here, but I don’t want to just forget it. Or him. How can I keep his memory alive when he isn’t here? How can I continue to remember him without feeling the pain of losing him? I wish I had just been able to see him that winter. It is one of the biggest regrets that I have.