To living the dream. To moving across the country to be able to pursue that dream. To finding opportunities to use my gifts in acting, singing, dancing, and playing ukulele. To being paid for those artistic endeavors.
To being validated, and seen for who you are, however artistic and strange that may be. To working on projects that don’t make sense and don’t need to make sense.
To working with artists who make an effort to represent diversity in a real way- who open their hearts and share their stories, and make you cry with their pain and laugh with their moments of joy. To being heard loud and clear without speaking a word in English. To singing about the injustice and making the truth known.
To writing something and see that writing from page to stage. To dreaming and seeing that dream continuously deferred, but it finally happening- small and unpretentious, but it took place.
To making an effort to bring life to the small parts in big casts, and to sitting through the long and tiring rehearsals to finally make it to opening night.
To looking forward to the artistic journey you are embarking on and to be excited about the future projects that are awaiting to be seen.
To never giving up on that dream, no matter how many times you get knocked down or are told not to waste their time auditioning because they aren’t looking for your ‘type’. To living the dream you’ve had in you since you were young. To reach for it again and again.
I’ve got the blues-
the bad wife dead dad blues.
I’m over worked
It’s been almost two months
Since I last got laid.
I’m yelling at my husband
All day and all night
Everyday for the past four weeks
We’ve had a fight
I’ve got the blues-
The Bad Wife Dead Dad Blues
The holidays are over
And I’m feeling sad
I miss my family
Especially my dad
I keep on thinking
About the night he was shot down
I keep on drinking
In the booze will my sorrows drown
I got the blues-
The bad wife dead dad blues….
So everything is changing, and it’s all kinda awesome. Change can be a little scary at times, and I’ve still been battling my various demons.
Some of the resolutions I made in April have been going well, others have not. I’m good at making goals, but not as good at following through with all of them.
A few things that I have been proactive with are: going to counseling for my emotional issues, creating new opportunities for myself, pursuing spiritual interests, and learning more about social and political issues.
One of the best things that has happened is that I auditioned for an equity theater and I can proudly say that I am in the cast of Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. It’s really validating after my experience with community theater and white-washed versions of Miss Saigon.
Though the town theater experience was troubling to me at first, it’s made me a much stronger and intelligent person. If they hadn’t decided to be ignorant and bigoted, I probably wouldn’t have come across the opportunity for Bloody Bloody. Because of the door opening with Bloody Bloody, I’m finally going to be able submit an EMC application.
Also, the situation made me think a lot more about my identity as an Asian American. I’m extremely westernized, but I have such a rich eastern heritage, and I don’t want to discount it. I’m still finding that balance.
There’s an amazing little place called Double D’s Coffee and Desserts in Asheville, NC. It is a double decker bus that serves as a cafe. It’s artsy, it’s awesome, and the coffee and desserts are delicious. Why can’t there be more places like this in the world?